Lust for freedom or fear of intimacy. Why women choose unrequited love

2024 Author: Richard Flannagan | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-15 23:55

So many poems and novels are dedicated to unrequited love that it seems that every person has suffered from it at least once in his life. But some girls are constantly unlucky. Time after time they fall in love with those who do not pay attention to them, as if on purpose they only choose inaccessible men. Why it happens? Of course, the reasons for different women are also different.

Unhappy love gives freedom

People ripen for relationships at different times. Some in their youth, some never. Some women need to recover from the loss of a loved one or a break with him, others cannot admit in any way that they do not need a beloved, but a beloved. In general, right now a woman may not be ready for a serious relationship with a man, she does not feel the need for them.

If, at the same time, she herself was brought up on the feeling that it is not normal not to fall in love, then subconsciously, over and over again, she will choose a man as an object of adoration, who will not even look at her. A happily married man who prefers a different type of woman, not her circle, and so on. In the end, people around her sympathize with the unhappy lover instead of being bombarded with questions and hints about marriage.

It happens that love for a man, who was separated from a woman by fate itself, is played out intentionally - when a woman realizes that she is not ready for any obligations, and society is not ready to accept this. A similar story formed the basis of the rock opera "Juno and Avos". The prototypes of the main characters were the Russian Count Rezanov and the daughter of the commandant of San Francisco, Concepcion Arguello.

In reality, Senorita Arguello knew the elderly Mr. Rezanov quite a bit. He made her a marriage proposal - mainly for the sake of getting help for himself and his sailors from her father, promised to love forever and sailed to Russia. Conchita soon dressed in black and declared herself a widow in her heart. Being a widow and talking about grief gave her the right to reject all marriage proposals and move freely outside the home. He did not stop her from having fun, attending receptions and communicating with handsome young men.

Doesn't fit high standards for women

This situation is new for humanity. Yes, there has always been some kind of fashion for female beauty. The girls of the Inca empire had to bandage their thighs and legs to make them swell and become fat - if the girl wanted to be beautiful by local standards. Young English women of the time of Queen Victoria deprived themselves of the opportunity to breathe and eat normally, tightly tightening corsets - the waist was much thinner than nature intended for a woman. But…

Before, only in countries with a huge shortage of men, a girl who was too fat or thin for her time, too dark or pale, did not meet her soul mate sooner or later. There was an ideal of beauty - but there was also the realization that not every living woman achieves it, and the readiness to fall in love with completely imperfect ladies, having found their charms in them.

For example, the heartthrob Clara Zetkin did not at all resemble the beauties that her contemporaries painted in pictures and postcards. And yet there was a lot of love in her life, to the point that she married a young man half her age. And her friend Rosa Luxemburg, even more far from beauty standards, was having an affair with her son Zetkin, although he was fourteen years younger.

The opposite situation also happens. A woman's requests do not coincide with those that most of the men around her can give her. The case may be either in a situation (she is not able to fall in love with an aggressive or unkempt macho, and there are few kind and clean people where she lives), or in the requests themselves - when a woman dreams of an exceptionally handsome or talented man, considering this as the only possible option by virtue of, for example, their upbringing.

There are not so many men who stand out from the crowd and they find themselves surrounded by a crowd of fans. They, of course, cannot have a permanent relationship with each, and for the majority of female fans, love for such men will be unrequited.

The soul needs drama and even tragedy

When Marina Tsvetaeva was asked why she writes so many poems about unhappy love, Marina Ivanovna was surprised: is it different? But that was a woman who loved her husband - and received his love in return. But - her soul needed strong experiences, just as food, and she looked for them and found them.

Alas, very often the need for love suffering is a search for a legitimate, publicly approved reason to cry and suffer openly when you want to cry. This happens after deep, untreated psychological trauma, especially the experienced sexual abuse, about which it seems like you need to keep silent, not think, forget - and the heart has not burned out yet.

If we talk about survivors of violence, sexual or physical, sometimes falling in love is only hopeless - a way to stay safe from frightening touch, intimacy, without giving up the experience of love at all.

Parents gave the wrong image of love

At an early age, everything related to mom is about love. Dad's behavior is also about love. And if the one and the other were cold, tough, they lay a distorted image of love in the souls of their daughters. They will choose those who are cold to them, because an unconscious confidence has grown inside - this is precisely what love is.

An inaccessible lover also attracts those who grew up without a father in childhood and whose mother was forced to disappear at work - it is more difficult to feed one of two than two of three, and the child in this case loses not half of the parental attention, but more. It is not surprising that actress Halle Berry blames her father's departure for the fact that she now has problems in relationships with men: she always chooses unloving ones.

Fortunately, women who are able to love men are also often chosen. 7 famous actors who have had feelings for one woman over the years, this is an example.