The Mournful Fate of White Widows, or Why Indian Women Cherish Husbands

2024 Author: Richard Flannagan | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-15 23:55

Indian women cherish and groom their husbands. If the husband is sick, the wife fasts. The husband is never called by name because it is believed that the spoken name shortens the life of the spouse. The wife never walks alongside, but always a little behind. She addresses him to you and washes his feet. And all this is often not out of great love, but in order to avoid the fate of a "white widow."

The institution of marriage and patriarchal traditions

When a girl is born to a married Indian couple who live in states where the tradition of "white widowhood" has been preserved, the parents almost immediately begin to look after her fiancé. After all, already at the age of 6-7 years, a girl can be married off, which means that she can get rid of the burden. And it doesn't matter how old her husband is.

As soon as the girl is married off, the parents breathe a sigh of relief and believe that they have gotten rid of the “heavy burden”. The groom and the bride in half of the cases see each other at the wedding for the first time. The families of the bride and groom make verbal agreements on the merger of the families' meager capital and begin to be considered relatives. A married daughter ceases to belong to them and is also considered "deliverance from a possible curse hanging over the clan." Indeed, in India, the mere fact that you were born as a woman proves that your karma is badly corrupted.

And then family life begins, of course, according to Indian traditions. The husband is given by God, the husband is fate, the parents found a husband and gave him their daughter in accordance with the most ancient customs, she waited for a husband since childhood, knowing that she should love only him, only strive for him. Tradition says that a husband is everything, this is all life, this is God on earth, this is that half of a woman, without which she is not a person, not a person, nothing.

"White widows" - who are they

Since the age difference between spouses is simply huge, and medicine in this country is not available to everyone, it often happens that the spouse dies earlier. After that, the woman becomes a "white widow" and until the end of her life she reaps all the delights of this status.

First, the new widow's hair is cut short and she has to put on a white sari. From now on and for the rest of her life, she is forbidden to wear anything other than him (even in winter), as well as wear any jewelry so adored by the women of India, have fun, participate in public festivities, sing and generally demonstrate joy in any way.

She is forbidden to eat more than one bowl of (traditionally unsalted) rice a day, and she is forbidden to eat sweets. Even her shadow is believed to bring misfortune, and she will be infinitely grateful if she is not kicked out of the house by her own children (and leaving the house in most cases is the only thing that remains for the widow). Often these women are forced to sleep on the street and beg, which, for obvious reasons, they are rarely given.

Sati rite

Until the 19th century, in some states of India, the "sati" rite was widespread: when a man died, he was cremated and his widow was burned alive in the same fire. There are cases when women jumped into the fire themselves or kindled the fire while sitting in the fire. Still, more often they were "helped" by good relatives, who, standing around the fire, held poles in their hands, with which they drove the woman, who was trying to escape from the flame in terror, back into the fire.

Sati was officially banned only in 1987. But, despite the ban, dozens of rituals are performed in India every year. If the widow insists on self-immolation, then she is obliged to sign the appropriate document confirming the voluntariness of the act. Of course, one can decide that the vitality of the rite is a testament to the strength of Indian traditions, but life shows that fire for Indian women is the only deliverance from a widow's existence. It is believed that with the death of her husband, the gods punish a woman for her sins. Accordingly, it is she who is to blame for his death, for which she must pay for the rest of her life.

The sacred city of Vrindavan - the city of widows

Many widows go to the holy city of Vrindavan - it is believed that death there frees from the circle of life and death, and widows - from repetition of such humiliation.

In the sacred city of Vrindavan for the Hare Krishnas, there are several hostels called "ashrams" - these are shelters for expelled from the families of "white widows". There, women receive help from volunteers, do handicrafts, have the opportunity to communicate and pray to their Gods.

Along with the women in the ashrams today there are Krishankants who are trying to do everything possible to bring the lives of these unfortunate women closer to full value. Some Indian women with less radical views roam India in ATVs looking for thrown out "white widows", find shelter for them, take them to "ashrams", provide clothes and food, support with kind words, make them laugh. It may seem awful, but it is very difficult to make a “white widow” laugh with “experience” - over the years they simply forgot how to do it.

Vrindavan is not the only “city of widows”. There are several of them in India. But "free from prejudice" asharmas can be found, perhaps, only here.

Today there are public organizations that defend the rights of women in India and support those who are unable to help themselves. It is thanks to these organizations that laws in support of Indian women are passed in India, advertising campaigns are carried out in support of girls, women and widows. But so far this is only a small fraction of what is really necessary.

And in the 21st century, the attitude in India to widows as to lepers: they become outcasts, although Indian society today is gradually abandoning such prejudices.

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