7 sinister stories from the lives of kings with the kindest nicknames

2024 Author: Richard Flannagan | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-15 23:55

Many monarchs have long remained in the hearing only because of funny and strange nicknames, like brother Richard the Lionheart John the Soft Sword (and yes, this is not only about weapons). And other monarchs simply entered the line of conditionally good rulers - and also thanks to nicknames. Although behind the names and dates of life of kings with these nicknames, bloody deeds or simply funny stories are often hidden.

Sigebert the Good

And this old English king suffered because of his kindness. He lived in the seventh century. One of his subjects was excommunicated by the bishop and cursed for cohabitation without a wedding. The bishop forbade all Christians to enter the house of an adulterer. However, King Sigebert violated the social isolation of the excommunicated and personally went to dine with him. Moreover, he repeated his visits.

In anger, the bishop cursed the king, promising that they would kill him in the house of the excommunicated. And indeed, soon the adulterer, along with his brother, attacked the king and killed him. When they were seized for trial, they cried bitter tears and said that they did not understand what had come over them. In general, everyone understood that the bishop was to blame. And the adulterer and, now, the murderer became the new king, because he was Sigebert's cousin and, until the last son appeared (which the king did not have time to provide), heir to the throne.

Alexey Tishaishy

Father Peter the Great is represented by many as a sovereign, indeed, quiet, meek and, apparently, not very energetic. However, it was Tsar Alexei Mikhailovich who raised his sons in the European spirit (including subscribing European books and toys), made them play baroque music at feasts, and every now and then frightened those around him with outbursts of rage (it seems that they were inherited by his famous son) … He also introduced a series of brutal executions for adultery and manslaughter (suicide was recognized as the husband's right), and under him torture flourished as a method of investigation.

There is a known case when the tsar, according to the progressive European method, was bled for health. The boyars were also present at the meeting. The tsar invited some of the boyars to try the technique on themselves, praising it very much. Nobody agreed. Then the tsar personally seized the elderly police officer and held him back while the doctor, on the tsar's order, tried to open the old man's vein and, moreover, not kill him. The poor policeman had suffered a lot of fear.

And the tsar also had the habit of reading the latest news from the European press (naturally, in translation) at boyar meetings. This confused the boyars for many reasons at once. First, why is the European press in Russia? Secondly, is it not a shame for the king to read himself, if there are clerks for this?

Philip the Good

Strictly speaking, we are talking about a duke, not a king, but in fact, dukes can be called “little kings”. Often they were completely independent monarchs, although even more often they still obeyed someone (at least nominally). It was Philip the Good who made every effort to catch and execute Jeanne d'Arc to please the British. Since, in the end, all political and religious charges were removed from the captured girl, she … was burned for wearing men's clothing. It is for this. By the way, men's clothing then consisted of a tunic (which looked like a dress) and pantyhose made up of panties and stockings attached to them.

In general, Philip changed sides during his reign many times, then joining the British, then the French, then the official government, then the rebels. It is known that, in general, he behaved gently with those around him, but, like Alexei Tishaishy, he was prone to fits of anger. In these attacks, he was somehow especially terrible - he executed right and left. In general, there is a version that his nickname, strictly speaking, has nothing to do with spiritual qualities, it is just an expression of approval: he was satisfied, they say, by the ruler of his subjects, especially the knights, who valued him for his fighting qualities.

John the Good

This French king of the fourteenth century had nothing to be very kind. When a young and beautiful bride was brought to him, his father, an elderly voluptuary, simply took and married the girl himself. The age difference among the young was thirty-eight years - the bride was eighteen, the groom fifty-six. Not that Prince John was left without brides at all, but it was a shame. And he liked the girl, and to call a man so younger than himself was humiliating.

John was constantly intrigued by his cousin Karl the Evil. Either he will kill a man faithful to John, then he will try to make a coup in order to put him on the throne … no, not himself, but the son of John. But in the end, Good won out against Evil: John insidiously broke into the castle with the knights, where Karl was having a feast, and arrested everyone he could reach. Karl's accomplices were executed, and he himself was constantly shaken from prison to prison. And in order to psychologically suppress, and not to give time to Karl's supporters to arrange for him to escape.

Another story with John the Good shows that he would be called John the Wise. When the British invaded France and, in the thick of the battle, John was surrounded by English knights and soldiers, each of whom wanted to arrest him personally, he was not taken aback, dignified and himself ordered to lead him to his cousin, the Prince of Wales. It was the prince (and indeed John's cousin) who led the English army. As a result, everyone somehow calmed down, and in the evening John quietly dined with the English prince. But it could have been brought in piece by piece - every English knight wanted to become famous, like the man who captured the French king, and the dispute between them could end in a rough fight, in which everyone would try to grab a little of John.

By the way, traditionally John is portrayed as a warrior king. But in fact, he was sick from childhood, did not like any physical activity, and yes, like other quiet and kind kings, he was subject to outbursts of terrible rage.

Magnus Affectionate

The king of Sweden and Norway, an exemplary contemporary of the previous king, was very fond of luxury. The beautiful life of the royal court seriously crippled the budget of the kingdom, and Magnus, in the old fashioned way, tried to correct it with military raids. In one of them, he presumably drowned to death. This is the version of the Swedes and Norwegians.

The strangeness lies in the fact that in Russia, on the territory of the Valaam Monastery, for a long time one could see a grave with an inscription on a tombstone: here, they say, Schema Monk Gregory, the Swedish king Magnus, rests. And in the Novgorod chronicles it is told how King Magnus unjustly took the city of Oreshek with sword and fire, but God helped the Russians and Magnus lost Oreshek, and at the same time he was punished from above, and disasters fell upon him. Magnus repented and issued a law in Sweden not to attack the Russian lands again. This did not help in the disaster plan and he drowned shortly thereafter. Apparently not to death …

It is difficult to say why he was nicknamed Laskov. Maybe give luxurious gifts for love. Or maybe because he was on the throne at the age of three, and at that age, many kings are very nice.

Hakon the Good

Another Norwegian, brother of the king, nicknamed the Bloody Ax. With Hakon himself, everything went wrong, judging by the fact that he became famous as the Good. And it is not surprising: he was brought up not in Norway, but in England. He grew up at the court of the English king Athelstan. Since he could at any time inherit one of his bloody relatives who loved to plunder England so much, thelstan invested heavily in raising the baby and raised him as a Christian and not a lover of the Vikings. So all his life Hakon the Good was guided by the rule: if he saw a Viking, he killed a Viking. But he was the son of one of the most famous Vikings, Harald the Fair-Haired! In his time, not only the Scandinavians, but also the Slavs of the Baltic coast, went to the Vikings.

Throughout his reign, Hakon tried to eradicate pagan rituals and spread Christianity. It is logical that during his reign civil wars continued, and Hakon's relatives constantly tried to kill him. In the end, it happened - the king was mortally wounded in battle. His opponent in this battle, a nephew nicknamed Gray Skin, became the new king.

Boleslav the Shy

This thirteenth-century Polish monarch was three times unlucky. At the age of thirteen, he married fifteen-year-old Hungarian princess Kunigunda. She immediately told him that she was very pious and bashful and therefore would not engage in various lewd practices with him. Well, she didn’t, so they didn’t have children. The second bad luck was that Boleslav himself turned out to be very shy and embarrassed to engage in various lewd practices with other women. So he did not manage to leave behind even a bastard.

For the third time Boleslav was not lucky in friendship. He was very friendly with Prince Daniel Galitsky - well, or so it seemed to him. However, when the Baskak Burunday rode to the principality of Galicia at the head of the Mongol army, Daniel not only did not put up resistance, but easily borrowed his own army to march against the Poles, that is, against his neighbor and friend Boleslav. The relationship between Boleslav and Daniel then, of course, deteriorated, but Daniel was not embarrassed - he began to be friends with the Lithuanians and set them on a former friend. And so they lived.

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