When brides sent other little-known facts about the family structure of patriarchal Russia to the grooms of matchmakers

2024 Author: Richard Flannagan | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-15 23:55

It is difficult to imagine that in a patriarchal type family, men and women changed roles. However, in old Russia there were such cases, and they did not cause any surprise. It's just that the reason for such a castling had to be very valid. Read in the material how the brides were imposed on the grooms, why the primacs were mocked by the whole village, and in what cases the change of male and female roles was justified.

Primaks, domozhiry and slabbers - who were given such ugly nicknames

The most common option, in which there was a change in female and male roles, was primacy. By tradition, after the wedding was played, the bride moved to the house of her new husband. The usual ceremony of parting with the house was carried out, and the girl went to live with the family of her chosen one. However, there were other cases: not the bride, but the groom had to change the paternal house for a new one. Usually this situation occurred due to the financial insolvency of the guy. More often than not, he did not have parents. Sometimes he was poor, because he did not receive any property from his father, or he could not stand on his own feet. Whatever the reason, such a man became a free worker in the new house, that is, in his wife's family. He was treated like a hanger and, in fact, was tolerated only because he was needed for procreation. Occasionally, men who were "taken as husbands" were in no hurry to return to their native village, as they were afraid of punishment for some bad deed.

Even today, primaks are called guys who conditionally changed places with the bride, that is, those who were taken as husbands. And not only such a name exists. For example, in the Arkhangelsk region, old words still circulate, used to refer to men who settled with their wife. They are called home-fat survivors, lumps, appendages. It can be seen that a relationship is embedded in the nicknames, and it is clearly not positive.

When the husband settled with his wife, for some, rather long time, he had no rights at all. Only after a certain period of time the primak could build his own house and become a real owner in it. Sometimes the primak, under pressure from fellow villagers, took the name of his wife. In this case, he was mocked and ridiculed.

When not the groom, but the bride sent matchmakers

It also happened that the girl's parents made every effort to lure the groom and force him to move. This could be done for serious reasons: for example, there are no sons in the family, and I really don't want to let go of my only daughter. Who will take care of the household, help in old age? So they chose a groom willing to become a primak. True, in this situation, he was perceived as a full member of the family. If the father-in-law died and the wife had no brothers, the man became the main one in the family.

The bride, or rather the wife, in such cases could not count on the compassion and concessions that were usually provided to the bride who had gone to live with her husband. The woman's opinion was simply not taken into account, and her whims were not taken into account.

Traditionally, in Russia, the initiator of matchmaking was the groom's parents and the groom himself. Surprisingly, there was another custom that changed the idea of matchmaking. In this case, the girl's relatives and parents came to the house of the chosen groom. Their goal was to praise the bride, seduce the groom with a rich dowry, promises of a sweet and comfortable life. This rite was called "imposition." Two reasons could force the parents to "impose": firstly, the absence of sons and the desire to have a male son-in-law in the house, and secondly, the unwillingness to part with their daughter. When imposed, the bride and groom changed roles twice - during the matchmaking itself, and then when the newlyweds moved to the house of the wife, not the husband.

How the widows and the widows were catching their last chance

Unfortunately, some girls simply had to impose themselves on the groom. It’s about girls and widows who’re too late. They stuffed themselves into wives, trying to catch one last chance. It happened that on the threshold of the groom's house a real bargaining was arranged, which was organized by the relatives of the brides. Just a beauty contest or show "Bachelor". Those who came first were in the hut, sitting in places of honor. Those who were late had to stand at the open windows and from there praise their pretender. By the way, near Ryazan, those relatives who tried to praise the bride properly were given the nickname “braggart” or “braggart”.

There was another tradition that can be safely called humiliating. The unlucky bride or widow was seated on a sled and began to carry around the village. At the same time, the relatives shouted: “To whom is the bride? Ripe, ripe ?! Who needs it? It happened that men pecked at such an offer. Then the girl's parents were called to the house, where the ritual of conspiracy and handicap was urgently held. Sometimes the next day the bride and groom walked down the aisle. This was done so that the groom would not change his mind.

Confusing moves and the imposition of the bride

You can read about the imposition even in old books, for example, such references contain "Notes on Moscow Affairs" (1516), "Russian Law" by Krizhanin (1663). And today this tradition exists in the Arkhangelsk region, although it has undergone some transformations. For example, in the villages of Argamakovo and Isady, the relatives of a potential bride are engaged in "knocking out" the consent of the groom's family. After that, the man must come to the bride and take her to his house, and the parents also go with their daughter. Traditional matchmaking takes place in the man's home - the groom's relatives act as matchmakers. That is, everything is being done that should have happened in the bride's house, but due to the imposition, the place has changed.

Wedding rings are always covered with an aura of mystery. And sometimes amazing stories happen to him. Like this one when for more than a year, the girl wore her wedding ring without realizing it.