The marriage market of the 19th century: where they looked for grooms and brides in pre-revolutionary Russia

2024 Author: Richard Flannagan | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-15 23:55

In the 19th century, they looked for a suitable party through relatives and friends or turned to matchmakers. It was easier for young people from a bourgeois or work environment, since they could freely get to know each other in the urban space, for example, in a church, at a service or on the street, especially during festive festivities. For members of the nobility, the choice of a companion was a well-planned event, which took into account not only the will of the spouses, but also the benefits that this marriage would bring to the family. Not always young boys and girls had the opportunity to create families for love.

What they wrote in etiquette books about choosing a pair

At the beginning of the 19th century, the “marriageable” age for brides began at 13, and for grooms - at 15. From the middle of the century, girls were allowed to marry from the age of 16, and young men - from 18. Young ladies over 25 were considered to be too late in the girls, but for men there were no restrictions - they could become grooms even in extreme old age.

When choosing a candidate for wife and husband, one had to think not only about feelings, but also about financial stability. The etiquette books have given several recommendations on this matter. For example, parents were advised to ensure that the marriage did not bring their child “moral hardship and poverty,” and by all means to dissuade him from the unsuccessful choice of a candidate. Parents had no right to prohibit young people from marrying if they were not satisfied with the choice of a daughter or a son. But parental blessing at that time was above all and even more important than falling in love. "Youth is too self-confident and arrogant and looks at everything through a pink prism" - so the set of rules on etiquette read.

It is for this reason that young people did not always marry for love, but at the insistence of their parents, they linked their lives with a party that was more beneficial for the family.

Bridesmaid balls at the "fair of brides"

In winter, in Moscow at the end of the 18th - beginning of the 19th centuries, there was an endless series of balls. Each such "high season" ended with a whole stream of weddings on Krasnaya Gorka.

Bride fairs were held at the University boarding house and in private houses, for example, at Praskovya Kologrivova's, about whom Griboyedov wrote: “Balls cannot be richer from Christmas to Lent”. But the most magnificent balls were held in the building of the Noble Assembly, where landowners came from all over Russia in winter to accommodate their unmarried daughters.

At Pushkin's in Eugene Onegin, Tatyana Larina traveled to Moscow for seven days just to attend such a “fair of brides”. Saltykov-Shchedrin in his story "Poshekhonskaya Starina" wrote how his family took their eldest daughter Nadezhda to a Moscow ball. The girl did not have a good dowry, was not a beauty, and in her hometown the chances of marriage were not great. Therefore, during the balls, the Saltykov-Shchedrin family rented a tiny house in Moscow, slept side by side and saved on everything, because the money was needed for outfits for their daughter.

Bride fairs had their own etiquette. The girls came there, accompanied by mothers and aunts, who assessed a potential candidate for husbands - what family he was from and whether he had a bad reputation. The gentleman could not freely invite the young lady he liked to dance. To begin with, it must be presented to her parents. This could have been done by the organizer of the ball or any general acquaintance with a good reputation. And only after that did the young man get the right to engage the girl to dance.

One bride in the evening could be invited to dance by several men at once. It was very important not to confuse anything and not to promise one dance to several gentlemen at once. Otherwise, young people challenged each other to a duel, and the young lady was left with a spoiled reputation.

If at the fair someone struck up sympathy, it was required to observe some formalities and negotiate with the parents. If the candidacy of the groom suited them, they allowed him to visit his beloved at home. To confirm serious intentions, it was necessary to make such visits regularly and in no case disappear without explanation.

Professional matchmaker services

In the 19th century, matchmakers were very popular and respected. In the works of Gogol and Ostrovsky, representatives of these professions are exhibited in a comical light, although it was thanks to them that many brides and grooms of different classes found family happiness.

Officials, officers, manufacturers, merchants and ordinary employees applied for the services of matchmakers. The market was so large that every family could choose a professional pimp according to their wallet.

The matchmaker could be found by an advertisement in the newspaper or received a recommendation from friends who have already used such services. For their work, they took 10-25 rubles, depending on the complexity of the problem. The best matchmakers did not need advertising - their names were heard throughout Moscow and St. Petersburg. They were frequent guests at social events, even representatives of high society preferred to be friends with them, because it was the matchmaker who could find out all the ins and outs and find a really good candidate without "surprises". In the arsenal of the pimps there were whole card files of brides and grooms with detailed information - where they live, who are the parents, what dowry, and whether the family has debts. The main principle was an individual approach. Even the most delicate tasks were successfully solved. For example, a matchmaker could bring an impoverished young man from a noble family with a rich bride, find a groom for an old maid, and a rich and elderly merchant could find a young maiden.

The specifics of the professional activities of matchmakers are well described in "The Marriage" by N. V. Gogol. Fyokla Ivanovna offered the bride four candidates at once, and she was tormented for a long time who to choose: “If only Nikanor Ivanovich’s lips were put to Ivan Kuzmich’s nose, but to take some swagger like Baltazar Baltazarych’s, yes, perhaps, add to this the stoutness of Ivan Pavlovich - I would have made up my mind immediately."

Marriage advertisements in the newspaper

At the end of the XIX - beginning of the XX century. serious competition for professional matchmakers was "Bracnaya Gazeta", which posted more than 4,000 advertisements a year and sold over the entire country with a circulation of more than 500 thousand copies.

This method of finding a couple was much cheaper (one ad cost from 1 to 3 rubles), in addition, it gave a chance for a successful marriage to girls and boys that were unpromising in terms of matchmaking. This list included homeless women, ruined noblemen from the provinces and persons of free professions, for example, artists, musicians and actors.

Unlike the services of a matchmaker with an almost guaranteed result, marriage advertisements in the newspapers offered ghostly chances for those who really wanted to start a family. In addition to serious offers, there were often advertisements with a flirtatious tone and playful obscene innuendo.

The rare notes from the ladies were mainly of the following character: "A young, beautiful young lady, will marry a lonely wealthy gentleman, from 60 years old" or "a poor but honest girl of 23 years old, beautiful and intelligent, looking for a person who would save her from want and vice. "Among the men, there were also grooms who dreamed of improving their financial situation: “Are you rich? What else do you need? Love? It is kept in a young intelligent gentleman for 23 years. The goal is marriage."

The high interest in "Bracnaya Gazeta" is confirmed by the fact that it continued to be published after the revolution, announcements of marriage were published even at the height of the Civil War.

There were subtleties in choosing brides for the imperial family.