How to Win Online Arguments: A Joking Guide for the Internet Beginner's Warrior

2024 Author: Richard Flannagan | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-15 23:55

It must be understood that traditional argumentation, logic, cause-and-effect relationships in online disputes have not worked for a long time. Code words, phrases and sentences work. Packed with the right set of emojis, they become like magic spells. This is how the perfect algorithm for winning online disputes appeared.

Oyvse, Elon Musk

From the timeless classics, you can call "oyvse 🤣", "and in the meantime Elon Musk launched a rocket into space" and "have you forgotten about the Molotov-Ribbentrop pact !? The context is not important at all. The main thing is hysterical and to take off.

Here is a man writing a recipe for borscht, and in the meantime Elon Musk. And the person is somehow embarrassed. And for the pact of ground Libbentrop it is embarrassing even for those who have not even heard of it. You are here about the peaceful sky, diapers and the work of Gauguin, and in the meantime Elon Musk launched a rocket with Molotov-Ribbentrop into space. Comes in well.

But the peak of the season is a photo of the lungs. CT, MRI, watercolor drawing. Does not matter. The main thing is to be light. Well, there is clearly something wrong with them. They won't publish photos of healthy lungs, right?

And you are, please tell me, why is it necessary to leave the house with a blinking purple butt plug and wearing flippers? Can you explain?

And in response to you, once and easy. And immediately somehow awkward. The person can see it badly. But forgive me, because walking with a butt plug is not so useful, and vice versa, it seems, all the research is about what is harmful, and it also heats up … and why purple, and fins?

But here it is not necessary to enter into the discussion at all, it is beneath your dignity, you are easy again and again. Or a photo of a tortured doctor. Doctors are now like veterans on May 9th. One moment you have to love them, give them carnations, clap them, and then we will continue to cut and condense, spread rot with bureaucracy and pay a miserable amount. In the meantime - applause and photos of the lungs.

They exhibited them and were dramatically and condemningly silent. And immediately the shame in front of the patient, in front of the doctor, in front of Elon Musk makes you push the plug deeper and shut up. Of course there is no logic, but when did the totalitarian sects use it?

This technique refers us to the immortal tricks # they fought, "and there are children in Africa" and the fact that we personally melted the Arctic and ruined Greta's childhood.

You also need to be able to write "all the world" so that the opponent understands that somewhere there is humanity filled with reason, knowledge and light, ready to fly to new galaxies on the next Elon Musk rocket to tell them about the pact, but there is a dull, dark one, dirty and smelly opponent with cannibal friends promoting bestiality. To do this, you need to slightly bulge your eyes, inflate the carotid arteries in the neck and slightly in the nose, as you exhale, in one word, "light". Right. Let's move on.

Brain suction technique

And then, to consolidate your status as an expert on doing good, you need to use a brain pump.

How to make a brain pump. To do this, take the choice of the word syndrome / phenomenon / law, add a surname to it. Preferably two. Desirable of different ethnic groups. Well, there is Chizhikov-Hakobyan. Or, to be more imported, well, there is Swedenborg - Le Chatelier. And when the enemy puts something on the shelves for you, you are like “oh yes, this is a typical Chizhikov-Akopyan!”.

On the one hand, no one will ask what and who it is. It's a shame and defeat. On the Internet, everyone knows everything. And in general, who does not know the famous experiment in neuroproctology, performed by prominent Soviet … (further we interpret the conclusions and force the logic. On the other hand, the appearance of unfamiliar surnames extinguishes the ardor of the opponent in about the same way as Malikov's work extinguishes testosterone.

It is necessary to drive in the last nail immediately, with a second brain suction, while the enemy is confused. We also take the word phenomenon / effect and add something from the world of hard drugs. Let's say a flickering grasshopper or a burnt-out mouse.

And so, a little with ambition and authoritatively dissatisfied: do you even know what the flickering grasshopper syndrome is? They arranged Chuzhikov-Hakobyan here, but they themselves do not know primitive things! We know that at Linda University there was such a well-known experiment to study the behavior of grasshoppers against the background of the round-the-clock noise of the "Baby" washing machine.

And now the enemy was completely obliterated. What a grasshopper, who is Hakobyan. And either he will send you to the dick, that he will make you a fighter against the hordes of orcs, or he will google Hakobyan and will never return.

Don't thank. And remember, while we are suffering here garbage, Vessvet is watching how Elon Musk launched a rocket with a copy of the ground Libbentrop pact into space. Oyvse.